Month: June 2008

This week started as many others, continuing the exploits of the previous week, and saw me dismally fail to improve my AstroPop survival time (stuck just over the seven minute mark), as well as making no discernible progress beating Stampede in Rub Rabbits‘ Memories. In fact, I decided to start keeping records of Stampede’s heart-of-hearts attempts midweek; the record currently stands at 12 attempts, 0 successful completions.

A little more Burnout Paradise and Halo 3 with friends didn’t offer enough variety to tickle my palate, so I had a peek at The List to grab a few outstanding targets to tinker with. The winners were Killer7 and Super Monkey Ball. The former is still a delight, and – despite my love for No More Heroes – really highlights the maturity of Suda51’s previous work in comparison. I’m just playing through Normal Mode again (to re-familiarise myself with the level structures) before tackling the harder difficulty modes.

Super Monkey Ball, on the other hand, has led to me questioning the extent to which I can satisfy my OCD tendencies. It’s a fantastic game, of course, and both me and the ex had big grins on our faces as we started belting through the main game levels (she’s not one for the included party- or mini-games); but after she disappeared, I started considering my Completion Target for the game. It’s pretty reasonable, I thought: have all main-game levels unlocked in Practise Mode. But here’s the problem: it’s really, really, really hard to unlock all of SMB‘s levels.

The progress on my most recent save-file indicated that I’d happily unlocked all of Beginner, Advanced, and Expert modes, along with Beginner Extra and Advanced Extra. That merely left Expert Extra, Master, and Master Extra for completion. Piece of piss… couple of hours tops, eh?

Um… no.

After about six hours of concerted effort I couldn’t replicate the unlocking of Advanced Extra, and Expert truly does seem like a monumental effort – four hours of unlimited continues only saw me at level 43 (of 50), and the idea of being able to complete Expert without using a continue (to unlock the Extra levels), and then completing both Expert and Expert Extra without using a continue (to unlock Master) just seems like a Herculean task.

And so, faced with my gaming mortality in Super Monkey Ball, coming off a fortnight of depression with Rub Rabbits and AstroPop, I started asking myself the question: Have I bitten off more than I can chew?

My compulsion is to fully explore each game, witness all the assets that a production has to offer – which I think is an appropriate goal, and respectful to the artists responsible for creating these games. And, certainly, the presence of Achievements on the 360 creates a tangible definition for “Completion” – though, again, the need to experience the game in full can often override the simple 100% GamerScore “completion” (Ninety-Nine Nights remains on the list purely because I haven’t collected all the in-game items yet; Rez HD is still there because I owe it to Miz to 100%-shot-down every level). But let’s look at some games from other platforms that are still on The List, along with the requirements for Completion that are sketched beside them in my head:

• Wii Sports and Wii Play: get all Pro rankings, all Gold medals (not Platinum).
• Time Splitters 2: finish all skill levels, Gold Medals in all Challenges / Arcade Leagues.
• Outrun 2: unlock all cards, all Missions.
• Halo 2 and Halo 3: finish singleplayer campaign on Legendary.
• F-Zero GX: witness every driver interview, complete story mode.
• FreQuency and Amplitude: unlock every song, every skill level.
• Katamari Damacy and We Love Katamari: collect all items.
• Cybermorph and Zero 5: 100% completion (without cheating!).

Just looking at that mini-list, the Katamari and Wii games are the only ones there I’d feel at all confident about satisfying – and even then, the Wii Boxing medals are looking a bit dodgy.

In fact, a quick skate down The List reveals that – by my current optimistic estimates – I’ll probably only ever Complete 36 out of the remaining 66 games. Bloody hell, just typing that makes me darkly shudder with depression. But then I think about those other thirty games… There’s no way I’ll beat Meta-Ridley in Metroid Prime on Hard. There’s no way I’ll steer every driver to a series win in F-Zero GX, let alone dent story mode. There’s no way I’ll hit Round 100 on Robotron, or Black-Belt Grandmaster Mutant Storm Reloaded. Neither of the GameCube’s Monkey Balls will be mastered. Bujingai will likely never advance past the two-thirds point on the penultimate skill level; Tempest 2000‘s Beastly Mode will see me off, and Tempest 3000 will melt my brain long before the final level. And there’s no way I’ll manage to A-rank all of Ikaruga – and that’s on The List twice.

But I’m pretty sure I’ll have fun trying.

And a little part of me is anxiously looking at all the new games coming out, arguing and baiting their attractiveness with the part of my brain that says “you’ve still got sixty-six games left to finish, Monkey-Boy”. And yes, I’d love to be playing the same things that my friends are playing – those friends with their shiny next-gen games and new thrills and greener grass.

But then I remember the fucking massive thrill I got when I saw that Papillon end-game in P.N.03, or how I wept with joy seeing that extra couple of seconds footage at the end of Halo‘s Legendary, or the fist-pumping thrill of getting that final Ridge Racer 6 achievement, or the glorious flood of relief when I found that final Agility Orb in Crackdown.

And I fire up the Wii again, giggle inside at the sheer insanity of a monkey in a ball, and pick up the controller.

After playing nothing but Zack & Wiki in anger for a fortnight (putting aside a few hours of Burnout Paradise and RR6 with the Rodents), it was a nice change to be forced to play something different, courtesy of another trip away for work. This time, I went prepared: I took all four DS games that remained on The List: Metroid Prime: First Hunt, The Rub Rabbits, Electroplankton, and The Phantom Hourglass.

I’d acquired the preview-demo-ish Metroid Prime: First Hunt as a freebie when I’d bought Zookeeper and the (rather excellent) Project Rub (that’s Feel The Magic XX/XY to you US readers… who am I kidding, I’ve seen the Google Analytics drill for this blog – there’s one US visitor. Who visited once. And lives in Alaska). Normally, I’d be happy, but perturbed by scoring freebie games (The List is long enough thankyouverymuch; see 7 Blades for another example), but I figured that MP:FH was only a demo, so it wouldn’t be on The List for long.

And then I played it.

Now, I’ve played a bit of the Metroid Prime series: the original game was great (notwithstanding the stupidly difficult final three bosses), but Metroid Prime 2: Echoes rubbed me the wrong way (and remains one of a precious few games that I’ve ever sold). But first impressions of the DS version of the franchise left the following impressions, listed in chronological order:

1. Wow, those graphics are pretty tasty for such a meagre machine; and…
2. This plays like shit.

I really didn’t get on with the default control scheme at all; it felt gluggy and dissociative and unpleasant. And, having done my research and deciding that Completion of this title was to top all three scoreboards and unlock the included bonus movie, my scores barely rated a mention. I put the MP:FH cart away, fuming that the “freebie” would have a higher psychological cost than I’d bargained for.

Fast forward two years, and I’ve had a shit day at the office. I decide to fire up MP:FH… and something’s changed. I’m at One with the default controls, ripping through the demo levels and easily topping the tables, continuing to play for ages after viewing the nice bonus movie. So that’s another game off The List, my third this calendar month.

And so I returned to The Rub Rabbits. A disappointing sequel to Project Rub (that’s Feel The Magic XX/XY to you US readers… who am I kiddi – oh wait, I’ve already done that bit), Rabbits is plagued by a couple of completely shittily unfair mini-games. Those who have played it know the ones I mean – Roshambo (a rock/paper/scissors game that offers a one-in-twentyseven chance of actually completing it in Memories mode) and Stampede (whose internal timing logic is inexplicable). In fact, Memories mode is generally a pain in the arse, essentially requiring you to get through Normal, Hard & Hell difficulties without failure for each of the mini-games. At the start of the week, six (of thirty-eight) mini-games were outstanding; by the end of the week, I’d ploughed through Poke (inexplicably untouched), Wish (a test of nerves), Lovebomber and Disc (a war of attrition), and managed to guess my way through the randomness of Roshambo (which led to one of those celebratory exaltations that scare the neighbours). Unfortunately, that leaves the final little snippet required to cross the game off The List: Stampede.

Stampede consists of two stages: the Easy stage, where you simply tap the oncoming bulls whilst avoiding gentlemen(!), and the Hard stage, where you have to tap hearts placed on the screen within a fixed amount of time. And when the hearts form the shape of a larger heart, that time limit seems unfeasibly small. In fact, I think I’ve only ever managed to successfully clear that stage about a dozen times (in a squillion attempts)… no big deal on Normal or Hard, where a failure simply takes one of your three “lives”, but it was a major stumbling block on Hell, in which you had a single attempt to clear two such hearts. After many many many concerted efforts, I managed to squeeze past the Hell challenge – but clearing Memories mode, of course, requires you to successfully clear the heart-of-hearts six time in one game, with no room for failure.

And, quite frankly, that’s too fucking hard.

I’ve nailed everything else in The Rub Rabbits, and even spent a few hours grinding 99,999 points to unlock additional costumes et al; but getting even one – let alone six – of those hearts was nigh-on impossible. Obviously I’ve managed two-in-a-row once (well, thrice actually), and that clearly demonstrates that it’s doable… but still, this task feels out of reach.

I enlisted the help of the (now ex-) SO, who had managed to act as my wing-man during my EDF 2017 assault. I figured that two styli would be able to click twice as many hearts as one, making the job that much easier. Alas, I soon discovered that the DS is not a multi-touch device; if two styli touch at the same time, one will go unrecognised. The plan was shot down; I’d have to either pull six sterling performances in a row from out of nowhere, or…

…cheat.

I have to admit, I’ve got a bit of a flexible attitude towards cheating a game. Exploiting dodgy AI or poor programming is always fair game, but in this case I was contemplating getting a CycloDS to utilise its real-time save function, bludgeoning my way through the Stampede. And, in my own mind, I was comfortable with that – after all, I was still performing the task, wasn’t I?

But then I thought I’d try one of the many DS emulators out there. I’ve already ripped my own DS games & saves for use with my R4 cart (using the quite fantastic NDS_BACKUP utility with my old Passcard3/Slot 2 M3 combo… sadly, Rudolph’s NDS_BACKUP site seems to be AWOL at the moment), so I fired up iDeaS on my PC to discover that it only managed to play The Rub Rabbits at about 14 fps. Given the frame-locked nature of the game, this made it really easy – if time consuming – to push through Stampede, completing Memories mode (with 20,000 bonus points and an extra unlockable costume) and finishing the game.

Except it doesn’t feel right. Even though I’ve got a nice save file which I could dump back to my Rub Rabbits ROM, there’s an icky taste in my mouth. I can’t, in good faith, cross that bastard game off The List.

Yet.

Since then, I’ve gone back to the ROM and have continued to explore Stampede. Looking for that oh-so-obvious thing I’ve overlooked that’s impeding my progress. Nothing’s forthcoming, but I’ve successfully beaten the heart-of-hearts twice more. Out of a squillion attempts.

Sigh.

Furthering a week where I seemed to be tackling games I’m not especially fond of, I decided to fire up Astropop again. Two achievements outstanding, one of which is the notoriously difficult 9-minutes-in-Survival-Mode challenge. I managed 6 minutes. Hmmmm. A dozen restarts later and I’ve just broken through the 7-minute barrier, but it seems terribly variable – some attempts barely make the 5-minute mark. So it looks like I’ll need to bribe Lady Luck into being my co-pilot. Again.

I wonder if she’s any good at The Rub Rabbits.

Another Wii-centric week.

I spent most of the week hammering WarioWare: Smooth Moves – unlocking all the microgames, collecting all the Pose Cards, and generally just exploring the extent of the game. The Pose Cards were interesting; it appears that, far from being “randomly” awarded, certain cards are awarded for getting through Level 1, 2, and 3 Boss Battles – for example, the last four Cards seem to be gained by getting past (not necessarily defeating) the Level 3 Orbulon Boss. Regardless, everything’s unlocked, everything’s been played – Smooth Moves is off The List. A bright start to the month – especially taking into account the grinningly good fun to be found in the Block Star and Pyoro S minigames :)

I also managed to finish (not complete) Psychonauts. Fantastic game, marred by some stupid design choices resulting in some immensely frustrating sections in the final couple of levels. Lots of work to do to 100% that one though, and another play-through is required. And imagine my surprise when, after sitting through the credits (on my PAL copy that I felt privileged to find by proxy in a secondhand bin), I saw reference to the Double Fine Shop, where Psychonauts is still available in all flavours.

Lastly, I also started playing the game that WarioWare came free with – Zack & Wiki: Franchise with a Long Subtitle. And it’s great fun – point and click adventure goodness, gorgeous graphics, somewhat annoying character vocalisations, and some wonderfully realised levels. Nothings too big to get lost in, and it all feels lovely so far (I’ve just moved onto the second Treasure Map). Really looking forward to the rest of this :)

As a bit of an aside, I also had a look at a couple of PC-based free-or-shareware games this week. Execution is a really… ummm… interesting idea. Well worth the tiny download, but don’t read any of the comments in the forum thread beforehand. Make sure you play it twice to experience the full game… it’s a really nice bit of headspace gameplay. A spectacular little Japanese shmup with some awesome object counts – and massive CPU & GPU requirements – is Exception; go here to download a demo, and here for some english-language instructions if you wish to purchase. And, last but not least, I snaffled a demo of Go Beryllium! – but can’t provide a link, because I’ve completely forgotten where it came from. You’ll just have to make do with a video :)

I still haven’t turned on my 360 lately. I’m harbouring resentment towards Microsoft because of the XBLA mangling mentioned last week. Normally, I would’ve forgotten about things by now, but there was an interview with Aaron Greenberg on Major Nelson’s last podcast, and there was something about his smug (self-) rationalisation of the XBLA de-listing that really, really, really pissed me off. Sony-E3-2006 levels of pissed-offedness. And, given my Wii-focus the last couple of weeks, I’m more than happy to start supporting WiiWare instead.

Until WiiWare management start doing something stupid, too.